Ready for a Change

So...still trying to be positive, but still struggling. Since I lasted posted a couple of BIG things have changed:
1. We aren't going to close on Friday. (Hopefully we still can close next week....this whole fiasco has me on pins and needles..Definitely something I keep trying to give to God and yet take back...I'm so tired and frustrated and in need of grace and comfort.)
2. I've been moved. (They came in a week ago and told me I was moving to operations. I have to say I'm kind of excited, but disappointed. Excited for the opportunity...disappointed that I won't get to work a pseudo-normal schedule. Another positive is that it keeps me so busy that I hardly have time to focus on my stress...)

Both of these are blessings I'm sure....just missing the forest for the trees right now.

Other news, I received a great compliment last week from someone high up. The person asked me why I always smiled and like typical I smiled and shrugged. I made some random comment about being happy. He told me that was one of the things he liked about me was that I always had a smile on my face. This person is very high up in management so the compliment in the base case is wonderful but for the scenario is that much nicer to hear. He was also one of the ones (if not the one) who recommended me for the move, so that meant alot to me that he felt like I could do this job and be successful.

I feel though sometimes my smile is a lie. It's can sometimes be my hiding from the fact that the world around me is crumbling. If I smile, no one asks how I'm doing...and I don't have to lie and tell them good. No one knows how frustrated, sad, and mad I am...and as much as I like that. I also am frustrated that people who I used to think were close to me have completely missed it. I'm frustrated by friendships and loneliness..But as always, come tomorrow morning the smile will be back in place and ready for work....