I don't feel well...and it feels like it's a continuing problem. I'm trying to feel better, but I feel like just as I do the devil brings something else that causes me to worry or get upset.
At work today, we watched a video on how to have a terrific day everyday. And despite how awful a morning I had, I felt like it was exactly what I needed to hear. Then I come back and do the things I know I need to do....and find out things that just upset me...and let it get to me. Then I remember...think hopeful good thoughts...and that works til my head starts hurting...
And that's how my day and weeks have gone. It sucks! I'm tired of it. I feel like I'm in a constant fight to be happy, to be joyous, to feel blessed and I feel like I'm losing everytime. It makes me so frustrated. I'm going to try to update with everything that is actually going on soon...Maybe it's the power that if I don't say things are going bad that it won't be....and yet it still does. I just hate whining...and I feel like that's all I'm ever doing now..
ARGH...Back to thinking positive....or just going to sleep :)!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
A week away...
I have spent a week away from this and part of me feels like it was worth it, while another part longs to write down everything.
In the past week, I felt a numerous amount of emotions and unfortunately most haven't been positive. I feel like I'm in a dark valley that is farther than I can see, wider than either horizon and it sucks. It sucks because I am normally so positive. It sucks because as much as I want to talk about it with others I don't want to and haven't talked about it. And it sucks because I want people to ask me and care enough to realize that something is wrong and yet that hasn't happened either. I don't like feeling sorry for myself and really don't like it when others feel sorry for me. I am a proud person, but as we all know even the most proud have moments where they have to fold.
I feel so far away from everyone including God. It's as if I have put a wall up, and yet deep in my heart I long for his peace and comfort. I know I can't do this on my own. I know that he will be there to listen to all of my thoughts, concerns, and dreams when others may not be available.
The loneliness of moving to a small town, where we don't know anyone, is getting to me. Yes, I spend most of my day at work, but the time away, makes me miss what we had in Texas. I want to talk with friends, plan dinners, go to Bible Study, and spend time in our home with our dogs. Instead, I run around and try to finalize things on the house, talk to my parents, try to reach friends, and try to enjoy the short hours that I get to spend with AJ.
It was so nice to spend time with my family this weekend and just be. Not have to do a million family events, but just relax. But like all weekends, that time has ended. Again, I am alone as AJ is at a scrimmage.
Lonely....loneliness sucks...especially when it feels self inflicted. In all of this, I know I need to be sitting at the feet of God and yet in some ways I feel angry that God would have done this to us. Taken us away from all that we know to a place of unknown. When the realization that I keep having (and some how gets lost) is that he has a plan, this is his plan, for us to move here. And even when things don't seem to be going "our way" it's because he has a different plan. And sometimes it takes sitting at his feet, crying, upset at him, to realize that sometimes you have to just take a deep breath and surrender.
In the past week, I felt a numerous amount of emotions and unfortunately most haven't been positive. I feel like I'm in a dark valley that is farther than I can see, wider than either horizon and it sucks. It sucks because I am normally so positive. It sucks because as much as I want to talk about it with others I don't want to and haven't talked about it. And it sucks because I want people to ask me and care enough to realize that something is wrong and yet that hasn't happened either. I don't like feeling sorry for myself and really don't like it when others feel sorry for me. I am a proud person, but as we all know even the most proud have moments where they have to fold.
I feel so far away from everyone including God. It's as if I have put a wall up, and yet deep in my heart I long for his peace and comfort. I know I can't do this on my own. I know that he will be there to listen to all of my thoughts, concerns, and dreams when others may not be available.
The loneliness of moving to a small town, where we don't know anyone, is getting to me. Yes, I spend most of my day at work, but the time away, makes me miss what we had in Texas. I want to talk with friends, plan dinners, go to Bible Study, and spend time in our home with our dogs. Instead, I run around and try to finalize things on the house, talk to my parents, try to reach friends, and try to enjoy the short hours that I get to spend with AJ.
It was so nice to spend time with my family this weekend and just be. Not have to do a million family events, but just relax. But like all weekends, that time has ended. Again, I am alone as AJ is at a scrimmage.
Lonely....loneliness sucks...especially when it feels self inflicted. In all of this, I know I need to be sitting at the feet of God and yet in some ways I feel angry that God would have done this to us. Taken us away from all that we know to a place of unknown. When the realization that I keep having (and some how gets lost) is that he has a plan, this is his plan, for us to move here. And even when things don't seem to be going "our way" it's because he has a different plan. And sometimes it takes sitting at his feet, crying, upset at him, to realize that sometimes you have to just take a deep breath and surrender.
My Grandma
Here's my "rememberance" of my Grandma as written for the funeral - It was spoken slightly different, but the meaning is the same.
As I reflected on Grandma’s life to prepare for today, I thought back on my many memories of her. Of my brother, sister, and I spending countless nights at her house which always included a trip to McDonalds for breakfast – for us grandkids it was sausage gravy biscuits and pancakes and sausage for her – and then typically a visit to Walmart for a toy of our choice. All of my memories show the heart of the woman who raised 5 beautiful daughters and more than a handful of wonderful grandchildren and great-grandchildren as well as countless friends that became part of her family. Her love for her family was one of her many legacies, which I had the privilege to be a part of. My memories held another theme which is of her faith in Christ. I know, like many of the family, that she is in Heaven right now driving her ’67 Mustang.
Some days and memories I can remember as if they were yesterday, some I wish I had remembered better, but all of them I hold dear. Grandma’s family was everything to her. Whether it was picking her grandchildren up to go to their various activities or eating lunch on Sunday afternoon as an extended family, I know she enjoyed her time with family as much as we enjoyed did. I will definitely never forget the times which her food wasn’t hot enough or wasn’t cooked right. I remember when AJ and I first moved to Texas how difficult is was to miss holidays because we spent every holiday together with the extended family, whether it was Easter, Memorial Day, or Christmas - it was with the family, the ENTIRE family. In fact, most of our birthdays were celebrated in their own dinner with the entire family.
Another favorite memory of mine is our back-to-school shopping trips. This was the time that we were able to buy all the clothes that Mom and Dad wouldn’t have bought us – including Justin’s awesome color changing shirt. These typically included a lunch to Mexico Chiquito…yet another of our location that will always hold memories. As we grew, she influenced us in different ways yet always sending us to church camp, picking us up from various hobbies and just sitting with her. Many memories I have is of her sitting on one side of the bar while I’m sitting on the other.
You never wanted to be on the receiving end of her disappointment. And you knew when you did something that she didn’t agree with, you would definitely hear about it.But her proudest days were when her precious grandchildren grew up, graduated highschool, graduated college, got married and had children of their own. Grandma was proud of her children and grandchildren. I only hope she knows even the glimmer of what influence she has had in each of our lives.
Grandma was a woman of faith. How could she not have been if she had 5 girls? As a grandchild, my earliest memories of Grandma are at church. I never sat too far away from Grandma as she provided us with gum and notepads. Grandma taught us the importance of having faith, what it meant to be a Christian, and how important it was to be involved in church. I can’t tell you the number of times I saw her working for the church, for Gideon’s, prayer breakfasts, and Wednesday night Church group at El Chico. I know that despite how sick she had gotten in the past couple of years, her faith is what helped her through it.
One of the last times that I saw her was Sunday, July 4th, just after she had received communion. I know that she is up in Heaven enjoying all the wonders heaven has for her to experience while drinking coffee as hot as God makes it. She would tell you today that she did all things through Christ who strengthened her. I truly believe if Grandma could talk to us, she would tell us not to fear, but have faith. To hold strong to the values and beliefs she instilled in us. I believe she would want us to look within to evaluate our lives and find out if we are living for ourselves or for God. Because you and I know, that she is planning on seeing us on the other side of Heaven…and boy you don’t want to get her riled up if she didn’t get what she wanted. She would want us to grow closer to God as we attempt to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts. She would want us to hold our memories of her, her love of family, and her love of her Heavenly Father in our hearts and to spread our love and faith to the world.
To end, I’ll leave you with one last message Grandma sent me. I have been reading a Daily Bible Reading and Devotional Study. Over the past two weeks, I had fallen behind on my readings. On Thursday night, I read the devotional from August 8th, the day Grandma went to Heaven. The Bible Verse of the devotional was “Put your trust in the Lord” Proverbs 22:19. Here are the words from the devotional – “The problem with this world is that it doesn’t fit. Oh, it will do for now, but it isn’t tailor-made. We were made to live with God, but on earth we live by faith. We were made to live forever, but on this eart we live for but a moment. We must trust God. We must trust not only that he does what is best but that he knows what ahead. Ponder the words of Isaia 57:1-2: “Those who are right with God may die, but no one pays attention. Good people are taken away, but no one understands. Those who do right are being taken away from evil and are given peace. Those who live as God wants find rest in death.” I know Grandma has found peace and rest.
Grandma Womack’s Memorial
As I reflected on Grandma’s life to prepare for today, I thought back on my many memories of her. Of my brother, sister, and I spending countless nights at her house which always included a trip to McDonalds for breakfast – for us grandkids it was sausage gravy biscuits and pancakes and sausage for her – and then typically a visit to Walmart for a toy of our choice. All of my memories show the heart of the woman who raised 5 beautiful daughters and more than a handful of wonderful grandchildren and great-grandchildren as well as countless friends that became part of her family. Her love for her family was one of her many legacies, which I had the privilege to be a part of. My memories held another theme which is of her faith in Christ. I know, like many of the family, that she is in Heaven right now driving her ’67 Mustang.
Some days and memories I can remember as if they were yesterday, some I wish I had remembered better, but all of them I hold dear. Grandma’s family was everything to her. Whether it was picking her grandchildren up to go to their various activities or eating lunch on Sunday afternoon as an extended family, I know she enjoyed her time with family as much as we enjoyed did. I will definitely never forget the times which her food wasn’t hot enough or wasn’t cooked right. I remember when AJ and I first moved to Texas how difficult is was to miss holidays because we spent every holiday together with the extended family, whether it was Easter, Memorial Day, or Christmas - it was with the family, the ENTIRE family. In fact, most of our birthdays were celebrated in their own dinner with the entire family.
Another favorite memory of mine is our back-to-school shopping trips. This was the time that we were able to buy all the clothes that Mom and Dad wouldn’t have bought us – including Justin’s awesome color changing shirt. These typically included a lunch to Mexico Chiquito…yet another of our location that will always hold memories. As we grew, she influenced us in different ways yet always sending us to church camp, picking us up from various hobbies and just sitting with her. Many memories I have is of her sitting on one side of the bar while I’m sitting on the other.
You never wanted to be on the receiving end of her disappointment. And you knew when you did something that she didn’t agree with, you would definitely hear about it.But her proudest days were when her precious grandchildren grew up, graduated highschool, graduated college, got married and had children of their own. Grandma was proud of her children and grandchildren. I only hope she knows even the glimmer of what influence she has had in each of our lives.
Grandma was a woman of faith. How could she not have been if she had 5 girls? As a grandchild, my earliest memories of Grandma are at church. I never sat too far away from Grandma as she provided us with gum and notepads. Grandma taught us the importance of having faith, what it meant to be a Christian, and how important it was to be involved in church. I can’t tell you the number of times I saw her working for the church, for Gideon’s, prayer breakfasts, and Wednesday night Church group at El Chico. I know that despite how sick she had gotten in the past couple of years, her faith is what helped her through it.
One of the last times that I saw her was Sunday, July 4th, just after she had received communion. I know that she is up in Heaven enjoying all the wonders heaven has for her to experience while drinking coffee as hot as God makes it. She would tell you today that she did all things through Christ who strengthened her. I truly believe if Grandma could talk to us, she would tell us not to fear, but have faith. To hold strong to the values and beliefs she instilled in us. I believe she would want us to look within to evaluate our lives and find out if we are living for ourselves or for God. Because you and I know, that she is planning on seeing us on the other side of Heaven…and boy you don’t want to get her riled up if she didn’t get what she wanted. She would want us to grow closer to God as we attempt to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts. She would want us to hold our memories of her, her love of family, and her love of her Heavenly Father in our hearts and to spread our love and faith to the world.
To end, I’ll leave you with one last message Grandma sent me. I have been reading a Daily Bible Reading and Devotional Study. Over the past two weeks, I had fallen behind on my readings. On Thursday night, I read the devotional from August 8th, the day Grandma went to Heaven. The Bible Verse of the devotional was “Put your trust in the Lord” Proverbs 22:19. Here are the words from the devotional – “The problem with this world is that it doesn’t fit. Oh, it will do for now, but it isn’t tailor-made. We were made to live with God, but on earth we live by faith. We were made to live forever, but on this eart we live for but a moment. We must trust God. We must trust not only that he does what is best but that he knows what ahead. Ponder the words of Isaia 57:1-2: “Those who are right with God may die, but no one pays attention. Good people are taken away, but no one understands. Those who do right are being taken away from evil and are given peace. Those who live as God wants find rest in death.” I know Grandma has found peace and rest.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Ethel King Womack - A glimpse at a great life...
Ethel King Womack passed away peacefully Sunday, August 8th, at her home in Little Rock. Born in El Dorado, Arkansas, on June 21, 1925, she was a graduate of El Dorado High and McKay's Secretarial School. While working as Office Manager for the Boy Scouts of America, she met her beloved husband, Joe. She was a homemaker and loving mother to her daughters. She took great pride in seeing each one graduate from college to pursue their dreams. Mother devoted her life to her family and opened our home to family and friends. Her grandchildren treasured their time at Grandma’s house. She was a 53 year member and Deacon Emeritus of Parkview Christian Church. She was active in the VFW and Gideon's International Auxiliaries.
She was preceded in death by her parents, Frank and Agda King, and two brothers, Frank Jr. and Garrett King, both POWs and survivors of WWII.
She is survived by her devoted husband of 59 years, Joseph Womack, and their five daughters, Judy Springer (Bill) of Jupiter, Florida, Cathy Webb (John) of Little Rock, Barbara Webb (Doyle) of Benton, Becky Keogh (Patrick) of Little Rock, and Janis Cottle (Ray) of Longview, Texas; seven grandchildren, Laura Fout (Josh), Katherine Quinn (Wesley), Christopher Webb, Justin Keogh (Stephanie), Alice Johnson (AJ), Anna Keogh, and Stephanie Transue (Don); and five great-grandchildren, Trey and Paige Transue, Mason and Will Quinn, and Holland Fout; and many other family and friends.
Visitation - Friday, August 13th, 5-7 PM, Roller-Drummond Funeral Home, 10900 Interstate 30, Little Rock, AR 72209 (501) 455-5800. Memorial Service - Saturday, August 14th, 3 PM, Parkview Christian Church.
The family thanks Baptist Health Hospice for their compassionate care. Memorials may be made to Parkview Christian Church or charity of your choice.
Grandma is in the center at Kat's Wedding
One of my Wedding showers (Grandma is on my right - your left).
More pictures to come.....
Monday, August 16, 2010
Day 4 - May she rest in peace...
Today was the gravesite service for Grandma. We got up and ate breakfast with Grandaddy. Then, we all traveled to the cemetery. The service was very nice, very simple and really the perfect ending to a very stressful, busy weekend. It was a beautiful day with the wind blowing. I guess I hadn't mentioned that Grandma's urn was beautiful as were all the flower arrangements that were done for the service.
It was nice to be a little less formal and to let Granddad and the daughters (my aunts and mom) speak about Grandma. The service was wonderful and beautiful. It made me miss my Grandma...this whole weekend made me miss her. We stayed around the site and talked for awhile to enjoy the last moments that we, as an extended family, would spend together for a while.
After the service, we went home and relaxed for a bit. Mom took my brother, sister-in-law, sister, my husband, and I out to eat at Loca Luna. From there, we went packed the truck and headed back to Batesville.
I'm exhausted from the activities of the weekend and praying for God's peace as well as energy to make it through the weekend. I feel like I have missed most of the last week due to trying to get the house stuff done as well as all of my emotions with Grandma...I just wanted to thank ya'll again for all the prayers that have been sent our way. You are the best!
It was nice to be a little less formal and to let Granddad and the daughters (my aunts and mom) speak about Grandma. The service was wonderful and beautiful. It made me miss my Grandma...this whole weekend made me miss her. We stayed around the site and talked for awhile to enjoy the last moments that we, as an extended family, would spend together for a while.
After the service, we went home and relaxed for a bit. Mom took my brother, sister-in-law, sister, my husband, and I out to eat at Loca Luna. From there, we went packed the truck and headed back to Batesville.
I'm exhausted from the activities of the weekend and praying for God's peace as well as energy to make it through the weekend. I feel like I have missed most of the last week due to trying to get the house stuff done as well as all of my emotions with Grandma...I just wanted to thank ya'll again for all the prayers that have been sent our way. You are the best!
Is the weekend over yet?
Just when I expected/needed a day of relaxation...I didn't get any. I should rephrase that..I got some relaxation, but not as much as I needed.
Saturday ended at about 3 this morning, when my sister and I finally quit talking and went to bed. Woke up about 8 and got ready for church. Mom, brother, and sister-in-law went to breakfast and church with Granddad. I went to church with my sister to the church we grew up in. From there, we went to lunch with chaos...I mean the family. After lunch, we went to see "Eat, Pray, Love" with my dad's sister. It was a good movie, but it was LONG....2 and 1/2 hours later and it was time for supper with the extended family.
If lunch was chaos, dinner was a disaster...full of emotional breakdowns, rude remarks, complaints, and typical emotional, stressful outbursts when people have been around each other too much and aren't getting enough sleep. It was very awkward and I was glad when it was over. We then spent time at my parent's house before heading over to my aunt's house to spend the night.
Not quite sure what tomorrow will bring, but for now I need sleep. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughths thus far. If you could, please pray for peace, comfort, and kindness for my entire family over the next couple days/weeks. We definitely need it!
Saturday ended at about 3 this morning, when my sister and I finally quit talking and went to bed. Woke up about 8 and got ready for church. Mom, brother, and sister-in-law went to breakfast and church with Granddad. I went to church with my sister to the church we grew up in. From there, we went to lunch with chaos...I mean the family. After lunch, we went to see "Eat, Pray, Love" with my dad's sister. It was a good movie, but it was LONG....2 and 1/2 hours later and it was time for supper with the extended family.
If lunch was chaos, dinner was a disaster...full of emotional breakdowns, rude remarks, complaints, and typical emotional, stressful outbursts when people have been around each other too much and aren't getting enough sleep. It was very awkward and I was glad when it was over. We then spent time at my parent's house before heading over to my aunt's house to spend the night.
Not quite sure what tomorrow will bring, but for now I need sleep. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughths thus far. If you could, please pray for peace, comfort, and kindness for my entire family over the next couple days/weeks. We definitely need it!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Ethel Lorraine King Womack - June 21, 1925 - August 8, 2010
Today was the big day...the memorial service for Grandma. I wish I could tell you that she looked beautiful, but I'm not sure since she was cremated. However, when I saw her on Sunday she looked peaceful. My sister told me that they put make-up on her for the final family viewing (which took place on Monday) and that she looked good.
Grandma was an amazing person..and really deserves her own post, which I plan to do later...but wanted to share with you the experiences of this weekend. I promise to give you some different views of her life...
Yesterday evening, the visitation was held...we were supposed to leave at 7 and in typical fashion didn't leave til 8. Then, we went to The Villa...one of my (and my grandma's) favorite restaurants. We didn't leave there until 10. We made it to my Aunt's house around 11 and promptly passed out.
This morning, we woke up and got ready. Then, went to my parents house to try to relax...er..practice the rememberance...er..avoid practicing it. Turned out I was the only one speaking...talk about massive pressure...Anyways, we went to lunch and got ready for the memorial service.
The memorial service had some drama...and was very disorganized, but turned out well. The pastor, who never really knew Grandma, gave the message...I think he tried to do a good job and definitely shared the memories of my mom and her sisters. Then, it was my turn to speak. I tried to follow the written words, but changed things around based on my feeling. Everyone said I did a great job..I think it was good, but I tend to be my own worst critic.
Then, we spent quite a bit of time thanking everyone for attending. I saw a bunch of people that I hadn't seen in a while and met many of the friends of my aunts. We then headed to my aunt's house to spend time with the extended family. I spent alot of time with my cousins and their kids. I spent some time with my mom's aunts and cousins, but not as much as I would have liked to do.
We didn't leave there until 11 and came home. Now, we (Sister, Sister-n-law, and I) are conversing and just hanging out...Trying not to think about the craziness that tomorrow brings...
Grandma was an amazing person..and really deserves her own post, which I plan to do later...but wanted to share with you the experiences of this weekend. I promise to give you some different views of her life...
Yesterday evening, the visitation was held...we were supposed to leave at 7 and in typical fashion didn't leave til 8. Then, we went to The Villa...one of my (and my grandma's) favorite restaurants. We didn't leave there until 10. We made it to my Aunt's house around 11 and promptly passed out.
This morning, we woke up and got ready. Then, went to my parents house to try to relax...er..practice the rememberance...er..avoid practicing it. Turned out I was the only one speaking...talk about massive pressure...Anyways, we went to lunch and got ready for the memorial service.
The memorial service had some drama...and was very disorganized, but turned out well. The pastor, who never really knew Grandma, gave the message...I think he tried to do a good job and definitely shared the memories of my mom and her sisters. Then, it was my turn to speak. I tried to follow the written words, but changed things around based on my feeling. Everyone said I did a great job..I think it was good, but I tend to be my own worst critic.
Then, we spent quite a bit of time thanking everyone for attending. I saw a bunch of people that I hadn't seen in a while and met many of the friends of my aunts. We then headed to my aunt's house to spend time with the extended family. I spent alot of time with my cousins and their kids. I spent some time with my mom's aunts and cousins, but not as much as I would have liked to do.
We didn't leave there until 11 and came home. Now, we (Sister, Sister-n-law, and I) are conversing and just hanging out...Trying not to think about the craziness that tomorrow brings...
Friday, August 13, 2010
TGIF
TGIF...and in someways...Really? Does it have to be Friday?
Today starts the long road through the weekend. It begins the process of ensuring that I deal with the pain. We are on our way to Little Rock to attend the visitation. I'm not sure why there is a visitation when someone has been cremated. Though, I'm sure with all of this, it's not about Grandma but about us and gaining closure.
I finished my speech...or rememberance. I haven't practiced it...so I'm a little......ok, a lot nervous about how it's going to sound. When I read over it, I feel more confident about it. So maybe it will go okay...
I'm really excited to see my family..not sure who all is coming in, but I figure atleast the close extended family will be there...and that makes me happy.
Not sure what else to say...definitely scatterbrained tonight..Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight...
Today starts the long road through the weekend. It begins the process of ensuring that I deal with the pain. We are on our way to Little Rock to attend the visitation. I'm not sure why there is a visitation when someone has been cremated. Though, I'm sure with all of this, it's not about Grandma but about us and gaining closure.
I finished my speech...or rememberance. I haven't practiced it...so I'm a little......ok, a lot nervous about how it's going to sound. When I read over it, I feel more confident about it. So maybe it will go okay...
I'm really excited to see my family..not sure who all is coming in, but I figure atleast the close extended family will be there...and that makes me happy.
Not sure what else to say...definitely scatterbrained tonight..Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight...
Thursday, August 12, 2010
TGIT - Thank God Its Thursday!
Here I am...waiting on Bible Study and still avoiding writing the speech for Grandma's memorial service...I'm about half a page into the speech and don't really like it...but mainly because I'm scatterbrained. I feel that way alot. Not sure if its the insane multi-tasking that I've had to learn to do...but I feel lost. That's why I am glad it's Thursday. Thursday is Bible Study day...*crosses her fingers* hopefully..Bible Study has been a calming experience for me. Convicting, but calming. It reminds me to take more time for my relationship with God. Not that I don't have a million things I could be doing...
Brings me to subject one....This town has no cute black dresses that fit me...and that stinks. I managed to visit ALL 4 stores that might have black dresses....really all 4 stores that have women's clothes...and failed. Kinda frustrated..I did find a dress...just too colorful for the purpose..
Subject two...I hate medical stuff. So for the job, I had to go through a physical, which included drawing blood to do the yearly check-up. Of course, the results come back that I'm slightly anemic...so I have to have more blood drawn..Yup, that's right...definitely been in medical everyday this week thus far. I also had to go get a chest x-ray this afternoon...ohh yeah and go back on Tuesday. Talk about fun..
I think those are my rants for tonight. I need to finish working on my speech. It's hard. I know what I want to say, it's just putting it together so it flows and makes sense...Typical me is procrastinating til the bitter end on actually typing it. I think part of it is that this means it's for real. I know it is, I mean I saw her body after she had died. I know she is in heaven and yet I still keep seeing her face in my mind and thinking that I will get to see her on Saturday. She has been cremated, so the only view I will have of her is in the pictures and memories. Maybe that is best, though, because views of her in the past year weren't the same as they were 5 even 10 years ago. I don't know if it's a selective thing, but I like to remember her as she was when I was still living at my parents. Before she lost alot of weight and got sick, where she lost even more. I could go on and on about Grandma and will to some degree on Saturday. But my other view for the message is to talk about her faith in Jesus and how she would want us to grow closer to him through this.
Prayer Requests -
For our Texas "family" - there are many prayer requests there - (i.e. Riggs baby and Callie's mom to name a couple).
For the Womack family - all the daughters are there, my brother flew in last night..we will be the last ones there tomorrow. It's all sad. We are desperately in need of peace and comfort.
For God's provision as we grow to seek him - for the husband a job as well as for us to find a church here..(not sure when we will actually get to visit on a Sunday morning..)
For my job - that I can be a witness and spread God's love while doing well in my job.
And many unspoken requests...
Brings me to subject one....This town has no cute black dresses that fit me...and that stinks. I managed to visit ALL 4 stores that might have black dresses....really all 4 stores that have women's clothes...and failed. Kinda frustrated..I did find a dress...just too colorful for the purpose..
Subject two...I hate medical stuff. So for the job, I had to go through a physical, which included drawing blood to do the yearly check-up. Of course, the results come back that I'm slightly anemic...so I have to have more blood drawn..Yup, that's right...definitely been in medical everyday this week thus far. I also had to go get a chest x-ray this afternoon...ohh yeah and go back on Tuesday. Talk about fun..
I think those are my rants for tonight. I need to finish working on my speech. It's hard. I know what I want to say, it's just putting it together so it flows and makes sense...Typical me is procrastinating til the bitter end on actually typing it. I think part of it is that this means it's for real. I know it is, I mean I saw her body after she had died. I know she is in heaven and yet I still keep seeing her face in my mind and thinking that I will get to see her on Saturday. She has been cremated, so the only view I will have of her is in the pictures and memories. Maybe that is best, though, because views of her in the past year weren't the same as they were 5 even 10 years ago. I don't know if it's a selective thing, but I like to remember her as she was when I was still living at my parents. Before she lost alot of weight and got sick, where she lost even more. I could go on and on about Grandma and will to some degree on Saturday. But my other view for the message is to talk about her faith in Jesus and how she would want us to grow closer to him through this.
Prayer Requests -
For our Texas "family" - there are many prayer requests there - (i.e. Riggs baby and Callie's mom to name a couple).
For the Womack family - all the daughters are there, my brother flew in last night..we will be the last ones there tomorrow. It's all sad. We are desperately in need of peace and comfort.
For God's provision as we grow to seek him - for the husband a job as well as for us to find a church here..(not sure when we will actually get to visit on a Sunday morning..)
For my job - that I can be a witness and spread God's love while doing well in my job.
And many unspoken requests...
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Pseudo Beginning
I had written a whole page on the past week....and it got erased. Learned a hard - not fun lesson with that tonight.
UPDATE - Recovered it!!! YAY!!
After leaving Texas and beginning life here in Batesville, I feel called to start a blog. Some place to journal all of my thoughts and adventures to share with family and friends as well as share my beliefs. I'm also pseudo-avoiding writing my speech...
This past week has been hard. (If there was ever an understatement, that is it.) A week ago today (Wed. 8/4), I was waiting on the packers to finish packing the house up. The house that had slowly become a home to us over the past 2.5 years. There I was, watching it become a house yet again. A beautiful house, but just a dwelling. Sometime that day, I talked with my mom about my Grandma and she was doing better (she had had an infection the weekend previous, but the antibiotics were working). Chelsea and I went to dinner that night and just enjoyed being goofy.
Thursday - brought my last lunch in Beaumont, the people who moved the boxes from the house to the truck, and my last WUMC Young Adult Bible Study (as a Texan). More tears were shed, lots of prayers were said, and I just tried to take it all in.
Friday - My last breakfast as a Texan (Waffle House!!) with some of my favorite people - Rachel, Donny, Kelly, Rob, and Chelsea. We said our goodbyes (without tears) and I began my journey to Arkansas. As I drove home, I knew I needed to go see my grandparents which I did. I didn't stay long probably for many reasons, but as I left I kissed my Grandma and told her "I love you" as I do with every visit. My parents, sister, and I went to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and then we all went to bed.
Saturday - Ate a wonderful homemade breakfast, visited Blitz (got to see Grace and Elle at my parents), and headed towards Batesville. The drive to Batesville was beautiful and I felt as if I was coming home. We looked at houses and found 2 we liked. The one we liked best, we felt was out of our price range, the other we liked, but we were stuck on the first. We made plans that night for Dad to come look on Sunday.
Sunday - I wake up to my mom calling. She was calling to tell me Grandma had died sometime during the night. It's one thing knowing that she could pass at any time and how sick she was. It's a complete other to know that she is gone FOREVER. Mom then told me that Grandma and Granddad had agreed on cremation, so if I wanted to see her I would have to do it in the next 24 hours. (Oh, btw, I start my job the next day) and that she and dad were still planning on coming up.Sometime during this conversation, I feel the overwhelming feeling that I was supposed to speak at Grandma's funeral (I know that this is from God). Long story short, we got on the road to Little Rock where we visited with Grandad and the family, went to see Grandma so I could say my last goodbye and pray for her/our family. We ate lunch at one of the many spots that as a family we would eat at and then headed back to Batesville. I drove Mom back and Dad drove the hubs, so me breaking down was not an option. I did tell her that I wanted to be a part of the memorial service, but not the background on why... We looked at houses, talked about what they thought, and they made the trek back while I ironed clothes and tried to prepare for my first day. Sometime during the day, I felt like we were supposed to go with the first house, we re-did the numbers and now what seemed impossible was very possible (yes, Engineer made a typo error.). So we made an offer on that house.
Monday - First Day on the job. Figured out my cellphone doesn't work in my office. Countered the offers made by the sellers - not once, but twice. Felt at peace about it. Found out that AJ was probably not getting the job at Southside, but knew that they were working to help provide him with something. Ate at Josie's - AWESOME food...beautiful views..
Tuesday - Second day on the job..Settled on our final offer and signed the final contract letter. Found out AJ definitely didn't get the job. :( The administration is trying to develop ways for him to make money though. :) Got word that I would get to speak at the memorial service and that I should write out what I was going to say...AAHHH! I also set up Skype..YAY! And briefly IM'ed with Rachel and Donny, who we miss!! Also, we found out that the mom of one of our TX friends is not doing well..and that scares me.
Wednesday - Today - Day 3. The sellers signed the offer contract!!Woohoo!!! Grandma's obituary ran today (http://www.rollerfuneralhomes.com/services.asp?locid=25&page=odetail&id=21214). I read it this evening and cried. It still amazes me what an awesome person she was not just to her family but to everyone. I started writing my speech...I've thought alot about it in the past days, but writing it is very hard. I'm not sure of what I want to say, but more importantly, I want to be sure I'm saying what God wants me to say. (Does that make sense?) I guess all of this has me missing our friends back in Texas, who I know are lifting us up in prayer, missing my family, missing having someone (besides hubby) to talk with who can help me to cheer up. Friday will be here soon enough and we will be making the trip back to Little Rock. This trip I dread more than the one last Sunday, probably because it's far enough away that I can dwell on it.
Please pray for my family in the upcoming days. Pray for our continued strength through the loss of an amazing, Godly woman. Pray for our friends in Texas.
UPDATE - Recovered it!!! YAY!!
After leaving Texas and beginning life here in Batesville, I feel called to start a blog. Some place to journal all of my thoughts and adventures to share with family and friends as well as share my beliefs. I'm also pseudo-avoiding writing my speech...
This past week has been hard. (If there was ever an understatement, that is it.) A week ago today (Wed. 8/4), I was waiting on the packers to finish packing the house up. The house that had slowly become a home to us over the past 2.5 years. There I was, watching it become a house yet again. A beautiful house, but just a dwelling. Sometime that day, I talked with my mom about my Grandma and she was doing better (she had had an infection the weekend previous, but the antibiotics were working). Chelsea and I went to dinner that night and just enjoyed being goofy.
Thursday - brought my last lunch in Beaumont, the people who moved the boxes from the house to the truck, and my last WUMC Young Adult Bible Study (as a Texan). More tears were shed, lots of prayers were said, and I just tried to take it all in.
Friday - My last breakfast as a Texan (Waffle House!!) with some of my favorite people - Rachel, Donny, Kelly, Rob, and Chelsea. We said our goodbyes (without tears) and I began my journey to Arkansas. As I drove home, I knew I needed to go see my grandparents which I did. I didn't stay long probably for many reasons, but as I left I kissed my Grandma and told her "I love you" as I do with every visit. My parents, sister, and I went to dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and then we all went to bed.
Saturday - Ate a wonderful homemade breakfast, visited Blitz (got to see Grace and Elle at my parents), and headed towards Batesville. The drive to Batesville was beautiful and I felt as if I was coming home. We looked at houses and found 2 we liked. The one we liked best, we felt was out of our price range, the other we liked, but we were stuck on the first. We made plans that night for Dad to come look on Sunday.
Sunday - I wake up to my mom calling. She was calling to tell me Grandma had died sometime during the night. It's one thing knowing that she could pass at any time and how sick she was. It's a complete other to know that she is gone FOREVER. Mom then told me that Grandma and Granddad had agreed on cremation, so if I wanted to see her I would have to do it in the next 24 hours. (Oh, btw, I start my job the next day) and that she and dad were still planning on coming up.Sometime during this conversation, I feel the overwhelming feeling that I was supposed to speak at Grandma's funeral (I know that this is from God). Long story short, we got on the road to Little Rock where we visited with Grandad and the family, went to see Grandma so I could say my last goodbye and pray for her/our family. We ate lunch at one of the many spots that as a family we would eat at and then headed back to Batesville. I drove Mom back and Dad drove the hubs, so me breaking down was not an option. I did tell her that I wanted to be a part of the memorial service, but not the background on why... We looked at houses, talked about what they thought, and they made the trek back while I ironed clothes and tried to prepare for my first day. Sometime during the day, I felt like we were supposed to go with the first house, we re-did the numbers and now what seemed impossible was very possible (yes, Engineer made a typo error.). So we made an offer on that house.
Monday - First Day on the job. Figured out my cellphone doesn't work in my office. Countered the offers made by the sellers - not once, but twice. Felt at peace about it. Found out that AJ was probably not getting the job at Southside, but knew that they were working to help provide him with something. Ate at Josie's - AWESOME food...beautiful views..
Tuesday - Second day on the job..Settled on our final offer and signed the final contract letter. Found out AJ definitely didn't get the job. :( The administration is trying to develop ways for him to make money though. :) Got word that I would get to speak at the memorial service and that I should write out what I was going to say...AAHHH! I also set up Skype..YAY! And briefly IM'ed with Rachel and Donny, who we miss!! Also, we found out that the mom of one of our TX friends is not doing well..and that scares me.
Wednesday - Today - Day 3. The sellers signed the offer contract!!Woohoo!!! Grandma's obituary ran today (http://www.rollerfuneralhomes.com/services.asp?locid=25&page=odetail&id=21214). I read it this evening and cried. It still amazes me what an awesome person she was not just to her family but to everyone. I started writing my speech...I've thought alot about it in the past days, but writing it is very hard. I'm not sure of what I want to say, but more importantly, I want to be sure I'm saying what God wants me to say. (Does that make sense?) I guess all of this has me missing our friends back in Texas, who I know are lifting us up in prayer, missing my family, missing having someone (besides hubby) to talk with who can help me to cheer up. Friday will be here soon enough and we will be making the trip back to Little Rock. This trip I dread more than the one last Sunday, probably because it's far enough away that I can dwell on it.
Please pray for my family in the upcoming days. Pray for our continued strength through the loss of an amazing, Godly woman. Pray for our friends in Texas.
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