I have debated posting this (mainly because of my embarrassment and feeling like a failure), but I feel like by posting this I could maybe help someone else not feel like a failure. The joys of parenthood, especially for a first-timer is that younare going to make mistakes, bad things may happen, but you can't guilt trip yourself, blame yourself too much, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about those things. (this is much easier said, than done. It's also easier to say these things 3 weeks later - and to be honest I still blame myself to some degree.
As has been posted, Bella was re-admitted in the hospital at the tiny age of 5 days. Why you ask? She had dehydration and hypernatremia (elevated levels of sodium in her blood.). I'm sure now you want to know what caused it/how it happened? Both were caused by issuesbwith her breastfeeding. We knew she was having some issues, but thought we had worked through most of them (except those cause by my eating).
We were discharged from the hospital with an appointment two days later with the peditrician. The appointment went okay. (okay, it went terrible, not the actual appointment, but she got hungry why we were there and then had trouble feeding, but finally got that done.) she had also lost more weight, which was also frustrating for me. You see, I have this idea that I should have the perfect child (I mean obviously she is beautiful) and I should be the perfect mom (again, Please Don't Get This Idea Stuck In Your Head!!!!). B's peditirician asked me to pump and bottle feed her so we knew how much she was eating (again, not something I ever wanted to do. I was determined to exclusively breastfeed this child, but after seeing her weight loss and talking to the doctor, I gave up keeping that expectation.)he also wanted to run some tests, which was a long, emotional ordeal.
By the time we made it home, I wanted to cry (I think I did...). I got the pump out and got everything sanitized and ready to pump. Turned the pump on and it worked for like 30 seconds and it just stopped. I'm not kidding!!! I about lost it!! This wasn't a cheapo pump. It wlas a Medela. I paid ALOT of money for it. And for it to stop working before I could use it after the horrible day I had...I about lost it. A call to Medela and my mom helped calm me down. So the power supply shorted. Luckily, the pump comes with a battery pack. So off to pumping I go...
Fast forward a couple of hours to ~8 that night. I get a phone call from the doctor with the news that the blood tests came back showing the issues (dehydration and elevated sodium levels) and that we needed to come to the hospital to readmit B. My heart dropped. I don't think I have ever felt more vulnerable, scared, and like a failure. By the way, the first two emotions were okay, the last I know wasn't okay. I tell this because I don't want anyone else to feel that way. How are you supposed to know that your precious baby has high sodium levels? It's not like she has a sign over her head. As far as the dehydration, not even the doctor realized how bad she was til he got the results back. (or at least that's what it appeared..) and I had my mom around and she didn't realize it. It has taken several days for me to understand that I'm not a failure and that I'm still learning. I beat myself up a lot the first couple of weeks which was not good for myself or B.
B was in the hospital for 5 days to lower her sodium levels slowly (we had to go very slowly not to shock her system.) This was done with low sodium IV fluids (for the first day and a couple of hours) then it was observation and eating. The dehydration was taken care of with the pumping and ensuring that she got certain amounts of food. (The IV also probably helped:).)
She is a fighter and such a good baby. Her mommy is donproud of her. She did a great job in the hospital and the nurses loved her (or at least seemed to be enamored with her..) The Hubs (daddy) and I stayed with her the entire time. Her Gigi was here when she was admitted and stayed for a couple more days. Her other grandmother also came to see her while she was in the hospital.
As I've talked with more people, it appears the issues with eating and even the dehydration are more common than what I had heard of. The issue is that no one talks about it. Again, I'm not sure if it's afraid of being seen as a failure or just something parents forget or don't want to mention because they don't want to scare you. The issue is that by not talking it makes it worse when it happens and you haven't heard of it. The sodium issue is more rare, but again was mostly due to the dehydration. The most important lesson here is to talk. To overcome the fear of being seen as a failure to share a story that may help a mom and her baby. To be honest, no one thinks that you are a failure. They understand that there is a learning curve and that you are doing the best you can and that some of this just happens sometimes. So don't beat yourself up. (I wish I had listened more when people gave me these encouraging words...)
Hopefully, my sharing of this experience will help others. Also, hopefully, B won't think I'm a terrible mother from hearing this story.
