In The Garden

Won't you take this cup from me
Cause fear has stolen all my sleep
If tomorrow means my death
Pray you'll save their souls with it

Let the songs I sing bring joy to you
Let the words I say confess my love
Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune
Father let my heart be after you
- "In The Garden" by Needtobreathe

Definitely feels like the fear is overwhelming. And yet, I yearn to spend time with my Savior. I know that no matter what he is there, and his plans are perfect. I may not like his plans, but I know there is a reason behind them. I can think back through the years and when I didn't understand why the struggles I had were there. Through the struggles, I have learned, I have grown, and I have learned to trust more. Let me assure, it is still difficult to trust all the time, but I have learned to trust more.

Trusting more brought us to this small town. Trusting more is making this move to knowing no one and having no one that I can go grab some coffee and have girl time. I've always thought I was people person who needs friends. Through this I'm learning to rely on "long distance cups of coffee", talking to God,  and my husband. My poor hubs....he's probably tired of listening to me. And God must be tired, too. Yet in someways, he's probably more glad that I'm turning to him. I don't know.

I guess with this post I'm avoiding the elephant in the room. Partially, because I don't know how much I should publish. Partially, because I'm afraid I won't make it through the post without crying. However, I feel like I should note my day. I went to visit my Granddad. The good thing is he hasn't stopped being feisty and giving the nurses a run for their money. I haven't seen him as feisty (and slightly mean) in a while. He definitely doesn't seem to be 100% and I can tell a difference since the last time I saw him (~1 month ago). He has a procedure tomorrow that should give a better indication of what it going on.

Sorry for not giving more info, but I haven't wanted to talk about it. God and I are having lots of discussions about it. (Well I'm having talks to him....but like I said his plans are perfect, even when I don't like them.)  I'll try to give more information as it appears and as I grow to trusting and obedient (instead of my current arguing and un-obedient state). Please continue to pray for him and for my family - for health and healing, faith and patience, and obedience.