Mother's Day and other ramblings

I'd like to first apologize for the fantastic job I have done at ignoring this blog (yes lots of sarcasm, I really am very sorry I have been ignoring this thing because it will help in a year or 5 with what I was thinking/feeling). I am sorry I am not updating things. You see, as I have energy, I have made the decision to declutter the house. I forsee SEVERAL trips to our "good-will" and lots of full trash cans in my future. Besides that and spending time with the hubs and the dogs and working, I'm sleeping because decluttering is tiring.

Alright, now that I've apologized. On to the main topic, Mother's Day.

I'd love to tell you Mother's Day is my FAVORITE holiday. Well, okay, I'd be lying. But you have to know that it is ONE of my favorites. Holidays, growing up in my family, have always been a big deal. I'm not talking presents (though some include those), but every holiday meant a HUGE family gathering (I'm talking 20ish people). I grew up close to my cousins and aunts, not to mention the grandparents. So every holiday (and birthday), we typically congregated somewhere to eat and visit. Moving to TX, I gave up most of those holidays, especially the ones like Mother's Day where there were no 3 day weekends associated with it. I never realize the extent of what I gave up or how much I missed these type  of holidays.

This Mother's Day is very different, yet very familiar to me. First, it was the first Mother's Day since I was married that I spent with my Mom. The Hubs and I will celebrate our 5 year anniversary in June, so you can do the math. If you haven't figured it out, I'm a Momma's Girl. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my father, but I'm my Mom's Daughter. It has been extremely special to me to get to spend a day with her, devoted to her.

Second, it was the first Mother's Day without my Mom's mom here on earth. To tell you that Mother's Day isn't the same with out her only scratches at the surface. To have to go to a cemetery to visit what is left of her is painful. I know she is in a better place, but it doesn't hurt the people she has left behind any less. We (Granddad, all of my aunts except one, two uncles, four grandkids - including me, and the one attached greatgrandchild) all went to visit her this afternoon. It doesn't feel the same. In many ways, it was very theraputic for me to go. I miss her so much and in my own selfish way wishes she was here for me to call and tell her about her first great granddaughter. I know, though, that she is smiling down from heaven and keeping vigilant watch over us.

Third, it was my first Mother's Day. I know, my baby girl is still physically attached to me (inside), but that does not make her any less mine. Maybe it's the hormones that have me emotional about these changes. I feel like I'm changing in many ways (definitely my waist size is!), but yet at times feel like I'm the same girl woman I was 6 months ago. I hope that I can be half of the type of mother to our Baby Girl that my mother and grandmothers have been to me.

In many ways, today was like Mother's Days of the past. We gathered together. We ate and visited, laughed and cried, shared our lives with our family. I got to spend time with my mom and my dad's mom as well as lots of other family. And I'm grateful. Grateful to God for the path he set forth about a year ago that would bring us back to Arkansas. To a place where we have made a home. I only hope that we are making him proud of us. And I'm grateful for this Mother's Day and every day where I have the opportunity to share my life with others. I'm grateful that I get to spend days like this with my family (immediate and extended).